Breakups can be taxing in a lot of ways, with people reporting the financial costs reaching into the thousands. Even these high costs can be the least of your worries if you had years of your emotional life and identity tied up in another person. You might struggle to figure out how to find yourself after a breakup.
One of the reasons people don’t break up a problematic relationship is the emotional cost of making a big change. While life might be better without your difficult relationship, making that change can decouple you from the stability you rely on now. People make all kinds of justifications when they don’t want to leave problem relationship.
If you did the deed and now you’re trying to figure out how to find yourself after a breakup, you’re not alone. Here are 7 things to remember when getting through a breakup.
1. Get Comfortable With Your Emotions
One of the biggest mistakes that people make when going through a breakup is to bottle up their emotions. When you’re grieving any kind of loss, you should get comfortable expressing your emotions. Many people feel they don’t want to burden their friends or loved ones with their feelings.
The thing about true friends is that they’ll always understand.
As you bottle up your emotions, you might have trouble focusing or compartmentalizing your work or school life. You might retreat into vices that are bad for your health. You need to let your feelings out or you’ll never be able to move past them.
If you can’t break out of your cycle, change your habits. Take on a new hobby or join an intramural sports club. Learn a new language and focus your energy on something productive.
2. Don’t Worry About Blame
Relationships are a two-way street. Dwelling on what went wrong or what you could have done is just another way to live in the relationship that you’re afraid to let go.
Reflection is important, but if you’re trying to figure out how to find yourself after a breakup, blaming yourself will create an unnecessary barrier. You’ll never get to the place of being objective if you don’t stop trying to divide up blame.
You need freedom from responsibility to get an objective perspective. If your goal is to really “figure out what happened” then you need to let go of the blame game.
3. Move Away From The Source
If you’ve got to move out of your old shared home together, do it as soon as possible. The longer you see the reminders of your broken relationship around, the longer it will take to recover.
If your ex keeps contacting you, find a way to put some distance between the two of you. You don’t need to live inside of the hurt or deny your feelings. Also, if you’re sitting across from one another, how do you talk about anything but your relationship.
Even if you plan to be friends after, taking a break is vital to your mental health. You need to figure out who you are outside of the relationship before you can be that person with your ex.
4. Don’t Engage In Trash Talk
You might want revenge if someone hurt you or abused your trust. It’s reasonable to fantasize about how you would get back at them. However, this will only prolong the cycle of pain and abuse.
It’s the hardest thing in the world to ask the abused to be the “better” person, but whatever way you need to frame it, you need to be that person. Be calm and stay cool. Even when they raise their voice or try to blow up your phone, just put it on silent.
Better yet, turn your phone off completely for a while.
5. Focus On You
Part of the compromise of being in a relationship is that you lose sight of what you want. You can let problems build up. Unfinished products could clutter up your desk at work or at home.
You might even be due for some self-care. If you haven’t been to the doctor or the dentist for some time, take a break and visit someplace like Damira Dental Studios to get overdue treatments.
You can lose your identity inside of a relationship. One of the reasons people break up is due to lack of fulfillment. That can come when one person wants something and the other is discouraged from pursuing something else that conflicts with that.
6. Stay Positive Through Diet and Exercise
One of the best ways to improve your mood is a change in diet and exercise. Bad feelings and lead to a bad diet. Break free from that bad time by getting out more and eating better.
Foods like apple juice are known antidepressants. A rigorous hour of exercise can do the same thing. Drink a small glass of juice and go for a bike ride with no destination in mind.
That repetitive motion will help you to focus only on your breathing and reach a meditative state. This can be a great way to figure out how to find yourself after a breakup.
Brighten up your life and home with flowers to get into a better mental health space.
7. List What You Want And Need
It might have been awhile since you’ve reconnected with yourself about what you want out of life. There are some great things to be learned from your old relationship so take some time to find out what they are.
Make a list of things you’re proud of accomplishing during the course of your relationship, even if they have nothing to do with your ex-partner. List your overall goals and list the steps you need to make to get there.
Get to know what you believe and what your values are. Look for someone who doesn’t simply do what you do, but find someone who believes what you believe.
Focus is How To Find Yourself After A Breakup
One of the biggest problems with going through a break up is how to break through the clutter. Focusing your feelings and thoughts, writing them down, and organizing everything can help you figure out what your next steps are. You’ll find you have a lot more options once you’ve properly framed where you’ve been and where you are.
If you’re ready to make some changes to your life after a breakup, contact us for more tips on what you can do.