I believe we are all natural born persuaders.

Most parents will back me up on this.

When my son was in kindergarten he loved eating breakfast at Bob Evans (not a natural born gourmet, apparently), I’ll never forget the morning that he came to the kitchen before school and announced:

“You know what would be great? If we all had breakfast at Bob Evans before school.”

My wife and I told him while that sure sounded nice, there’s no time for restaurants before school, plus Dad has to work and blah, blah, blah.

My son, recognizing these excuses for the knee-jerk parental fun blocks they were, calmly agreed that it may not have been the most logical idea he’s had.

“But,” he says, “let’s just say we did go to Bob Evans. What would you order, Dad?”

Playing along, I said, “I’d probably order that Sunrise Sampler with scrambled eggs and sausage.”

“Patties or links?” he says.

“Uhhh… patties.” I replied, and at this point I’m recalling how tasty those Bob Evans sausage patties are (when they get that hint of crispiness on the outside and the juice sizzles out when you cut into it with your fork. Mmm, mmm).

“Patties. Good choice,” he says.

Then he turns to my wife and says:

“What are you having, Mom?”

She replies with the specifics of her order, that she can now smell and taste.

“Great,” says Ben. “I’ll go wake up Sweetie (his sister) and find out what she wants so we can go.”

Seconds later he’s escorting a groggy 3-year old down the hallway as she mutters: “Pancakes… I want pancakes.”

By now, all the stubborn logic reasoning why we can’t go for breakfast on a school day is long gone, and the whole family is loading into the van headed for Bob Evans with their orders ready to go.

Now, as parents we all think our kids are little geniuses — it comes with the job.

And there’s no doubt my son has skillfully harnessed his ability to transfer enthusiasm in a way that persuades people to follow his lead.

However, I believe we are all natural-born persuaders… only most of us have it kicked out of us by all the stringent rules and social parameters we encounter on the path to adulthood.

For example, we’re taught that “being polite” is the number one virtue. When, in reality, too much “politeness” can be a negative force in your life.

A colleague of mine used to say:

“There are two kinds of people in the world: those who feel pressure, and those who apply pressure. Only one gets what they want out of life.”

Simple as it is, this was a pretty startling idea to me the first time I heard it. Because it forced me to recognize that I had walked through 30 years of life on the wrong side of that line.

I was guilty of being a pushover and had vindicated myself by embracing the title of “nice guy.”

And I knew I wasn’t alone.

Think about it. How often have you felt bullied into doing something you didn’t want to do?

Or realized too late that a “friend” was manipulating you for their benefit? Then justified their actions, even after you knew the score.

It’s maddening, isn’t it? To be taken advantage of just because you’re “nice.”

But, changing is uncomfortable. It’s much easier to justify your deficits than to work on making them assets.

I’ve discussed this idea with people who say they’d rather be taken advantage of once in a while than to cross over to being a pushy “used car salesman-ey” type.

I tell those people to stop whimpering and get me some coffee.

Relax… I’m kidding.

Truth is, you don’t have to become an obnoxious jerk to be a good persuader. And applying pressure doesn’t always mean the other person has to feel pressure from you.

The goal is to develop a smooth, persuasive touch.

It starts by regaining the natural persuader we are all born to be…

… surviving its awkward, cracked-voice pubescence…

… and blossoming into the confident, influential adult that true success demands we become.

Yes, if you’ve spent a majority of your time on the “feels pressure” end of the stick, then your transformation into smooth persuader can be a bumpy ride.

However with time, and a healthy self-awareness you will become a mightier version of your current self, no longer vulnerable to domination from “stronger” personality types, but a cool-headed negotiator who gets his deal or walks.

If you own a business, you must master the art of selling. There is no more important task.

If sales slow or stop — everything else goes haywire. Yet an incredible number of entrepreneurs do not consider themselves natural — or even good — salespeople.

Closing is selling and selling is persuading. Without learning this crucial skill, you’re racing towards Doomsville at full throttle.

And no, you don’t have to be a toothpick chomping grease-ball to sell. Get that out of your head.

You can be just as charming in your salesmanship as you are on a really good first date. (If you’ve ever had a good second date, then you’ve already proven you can sell.)

So, let’s take a lesson in organic persuasion from my son’s breakfast antics.

Here are the three things he did to smoothly blow past our resistance to his desire to eat at a restaurant before school…

1. He introduced the idea with enthusiasm. By saying “Do you know what would be great?” he piqued curiosity and got us to open our minds to his idea.

Had he chosen one of his other popular lead-ins, like “Know what I want?” or the more common: “I want…” there’s a 99% chance he would have failed in his quest.

2. He never rebutted our objection directly. When we spouted off the many reasons a trip to Bob Evans wasn’t logical, instead of whining, he took the “jiu jitsu approach” and used the force of our own weight against us.

“You’re right…”

Then, once we were lulled into believing we were winning, he took his opening to turn our thinking around…

“… but let’s just say we did go…”

Then he got us to picture enjoying the benefits…

“… what would you order?”

3. He switched our thinking from an idea to our new reality. NLPers call this “presupposition.” The goal is to move your prospect from a spectator’s mindset into an ownership mindset.

This is what really good sales copy does without you noticing. Gary Bencivenga was a master at this. My son did a pretty good job of it, too, when, after getting me to speak my breakfast order, he switched his phrasing when asking wife…

“What are you having, Mom?”

Not “What would you have if” but, “What are you having?”

The wording is crucial there. By using the exact phrasing a waitress would use to ask the question, he instantly put his mom in the booth with a steaming cup of Joe in front of her.

By that point, we could smell the food cooking on the grill and it was a done deal.

No pressure at all.

You can do it.

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How People with High IQs Think (Practical Examples)

You don’t have to be the Einstein of our generation to be successful. But in some companies and institutions, IQ has a tendency to correlate to qualities they value, hence the kind of people they seek and want to work with. IQ tests directly measure your ability to correctly identify patterns and logic problems under a time limit.

Those skills have a significant correlation to other skills that we value in a 21st century, post-industrial economy. It correlates with the ability learn complex concepts, learn to think critically, learn to identify opportunities etc.

IQ is probably overrated today. We place way to much value on IQ, and take it as being far more meaningful than it is.

These are two practical examples (from Calvin and Raffaele) of how people with high 1Qs think (from a social, intellectual, and practical point of view). How they perceive everyday interactions and situations. They originally shared these experiences on reddit.

1. Calvin Chopra, An inquisitive autodidact

I tested about 4 months back; my IQ was 150. My Myers Briggs Test Type (MBTI) is INTJ and I am 17 years old.

Socially: It is pretty screwed up. I can’t get along with kids in my school or other people around me. Also, it is an INTJ characteristic that people perceive me as arrogant; in fact I am very humble. I tend to be the silent one. I don’t talk much and sometimes I am shy.

I don’t talk to people in my age group, but instead have friends who are older than me. I also don’t believe in small talk; I don’t want people calling me unless it is extremely important and I think a real conversation is better any day.

However, When I am with like-minded people or in a place where I can discuss  ideas, I am good socially and I consider myself to be an ambivert contrary to the MBTI test. I am swift then. Also, I am good at reading people’s expressions and know what they are thinking about, but sometimes I don’t even know that they are listening to me.

I despise smartphones, any and every form of communication. I don’t use my smartphone quite a lot and I might switch to a feature phone. Also, I permanently deleted my facebook account after joining Quora. I don’t keep up with my old buddies.

Intellectually: At an early age, I discovered that I was passionate about robotics and computers. Also I am a voracious reader. I read, think and talk about subjects ranging from Neuroscience to metaphysics.

I am good at school now. I love to be intellectually engaged. I have a hard time doing dull work, but I motivate myself and do work well. As for music, I find solace in classical works of Beethoven, Chopin, Tchaikovsky and the likes.

The dark side of this intellectual prowess is that I sometimes have to deal with analysis paralysis and I tend to over-plan things. I think and worry a lot, sometimes. Other times I get lost in my imagination; when I am inactive I tend to do thought experiments and try to analyze or build things in my mind.

Creativity: My mind has an inclination towards abstraction; I would study the fundamental nature of something, make assumptions and inferences and would try to build an abstract model. I would then try to use that model. That is why I love robotics.

I love to work on abstract stuff; I would do stuff with Artificial Intelligence and Machine learning and then use these domains to develop robots. Abstraction and Application, I work on these constantly.

Practicality: I was a strong idealist earlier; now I believe that practicality and idealism should go hand in hand. With my idealistic mind, I made many mistakes. I learnt from those mistakes and take my decisions wisely now.

I analyze the situations I am in, anticipate outcomes and know what will be beneficial for me. I do not have the Dunning Kruger effect, I know what I am good at, I know what I am bad at and I know that I don’t know much.

Procrastination: If I don’t have a plan, I will procrastinate, a lot. I need to make a plan a night before. That is the only way I can be productive. I don’t really need to be motivated to do something; having a purpose is enough. The next best thing would be a plan.

Although I don’t follow a plan rigidly but I keep working on things till bed time. I constantly make day logs and edit my plan, and I have a good work ethic. I am a non-conformist and brutally rational. I do not care about what others think about me, but I do not harm them either. If my apathy harms them, then I am in a dilemma.

[Note: Whatever I am or whatever I think, I do not attribute it to my IQ. Whatever I have achieved is by devoting time and effort in order to enhance my skills.

I believe regardless whether your IQ is 100 or 140, you can achieve solely by practicing and improving your skills; a priori intelligence is just because of genes and environment. You can be anything you want.

Also, People cannot be compared; there might be millions of people intelligent than you, millions dumber than you. If you want to get ahead embrace who you are. Be unique, do something only you can and discover your real potential.]

2. Raffaele Tranquillini, 16-year old student, programmer

Sorry for my English, my native language is Italian and actually I am 16 year old, so still learning. Even if I am not 160 or more, I have taken a few reliable IQ tests in the past and obtained scores between 145 and 150 in all. I’ll try to give a detailed answer to this question.

Notice: additional factors may influence this answer. I am an INTP on MBTI personality scale and I’m left handed (I’m not sure, but this may influence)

Childhood: in short, I was a strange child. At the kindergarden I used to look always behind the computers to see how cables were connected; I learnt reading and writing when I was three, and my kindergarten nannies remember me that I was extremely lively (too lively, sincerely), very good at puzzles that were designed for elder children, and that I used to talk always about things like gizmos, mechanical systems, possible projects using windmills and things like that.

In addition, I was not extroverted and not very friendly to my mates and teachers (that I now love for accepting me for how strange I was even when, often, I was completely crazy). At the primary school, the situation was different.

I got bullied very very often both from schoolmates and teachers, that, in a school of the peripheral area of a city, hated me because I was smarter than other children.

They used to put the blame on me for everything that happened in my class, they lied to my parents about things that, for they, I did (they were serious things, so my parents didn’t believe me) because they were just envious, exactly like my classmates.

Now I don’t like children and I hate everything related to the period of primary school, because it remembers me all that bullying of teachers and classmates.

The only positive aspects is that this experience taught me not only to respect everyone and avoid bullying, but to be always as generous and correct as possible with other people in order to avoid they made the same bad experiences.

Social skills: they were quite poor, but in the time with my very analytic behaviour I learned how the “society algorithm” works, and I am in some things even more able than normal people, because I don’t do anything in a spontaneous way in social occasions, and instead I know how to simulate well an emotion or another. However, there are still many points where this “algorithm” I learned doesn’t work, and that translates in social difficulties.

Everyday life: the main difference is that I see patterns everywhere. Patterns and algorithms. In addition, I am usually really fast in thinking logically, and when I speak I usually try in my head in 1/10 of second 4-5 different sentences and choose the best one (something not the best for that situation, though).

Then often I figure out many different solutions in a very short time to a problem, including the solution that I think will be the wrong one but the one that the others will choose, and I can’t explain the right one.

Often people tell me that my solution is wrong and I am stubborn, but I know it is correct, and after hours they will notice I was right. In addition, I always talk very very fast to keep up with my thoughts.

Other aspects of social life: I often feel alone among the people. I am between them, but I feel separated by a wall that isolates me on a place that is just physically near the people around me. They don’t understand me. They misunderstand me (in a bad way).

I feel as I had some sort of veil that doesn’t let me interact with them. And nobody believes me if I try to explain that. (This is one of the the many symptoms of Asperger’s I have… But I’m almost sure it’s also the IQ)

Interests: my mind is very good in some directions and very wrak in others. For instance, I am not good at maths (high school maths is IMO boring and I don’t want to study it) except for the very small part of it involving logical thinking.

I am very good at writing, but my main, obsessive hobby is programming. I love it, and I am programmer since I was 8. I love it because it’s good to use my logic. I’ve always been very bad at sport. Especially, I have never had coordination. I love quiet places, and I need to walk alone in quiet places for some kilometers every day to relax.

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